To do this, you can use a variety of attacks and Taunts-QTE-based events that allow you to flatter your opponent, enrage them, or cause their thirst level to soar through the roof. But how does it all merge into one singular experience?Īs far as combat goes, the ultimate goal isn’t to beat your opponent to a pulp, but deflate their hearts and essentially crush their hopes of ever getting to wed you. That’s quite the selection of ingredients - enough to craft a gut-busting liquid cure, even. As Jala, you are mostly free to roam a semi-open world environment, as well as engage in tidbit discussions with citizens, collect coins for new cosmetics, and engage in traditional turn-based combat with the titular Thirsty Suitors. Thirsty Suitors follows the story of Jala-a skateboarding-obsessed hipster who returns to her hometown after several years to reconcile with her parents, sibling, and most of all, an army of ex-partners who’ve gathered to try and either win her hand in marriage, or avenge their former heartaches born from past relationships. Ready to become one with the thirst? Then let’s go ahead and fill up the cup. Would I recommend the journey to someone else? Therein idles a question that we’ll have to unpack piece by piece, if only to reach the definitive answer that slots it all into perspective. Having tied up just about every loose end and popped more than enough ravenous dreams with the trucks of my skateboard, I can just about bring myself to part ways with the unruly number. But that was several days ago, so to say I’m no longer the bearer of broken hearts would only be an understatement. Outerloop Games’ Thirsty Suitors has been on my radar for quite some time, so I’d be lying if I said I didn’t throw myself into it the first moment I caught wind of its arrival.

But hey, these are just a few of the many, many things that make Outerloop Games’ Thirsty Suitors the oddball game that it is - and I can’t for the life of me figure out whether I’m in love with it, or if I’m merely fueling the fire for my sleep paralysis demons. Truth be told, I can’t really say I’m all that fond of banana milkshakes, nor bowl cut-sporting contortionists who bend over backwards in an attempt to “ woo” me every waking hour, either. For the record, I can’t say I’m all that familiar with South Asian culture, let alone the concept of exchanging secret handshakes with a dog.

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